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Saturday, January 15, 2011

Effective parenting

Every time I sit down to read a book on parenting, my focus slowly turns from Isha to my own conditioning from the past, my wounds and fears, my fragmentation and hypocracies, etc. I am now convinced that truly effective parenting can come only from deepening our own life experience, working on transforming into integrated beings ourselves. If parenting is understood as a collection of techniques to be put into practice, it will remain hollow and ineffective. The best way we can be effective parents (or even educators, for that matter) is by being a source of inspiration. I read somewhere "Aspire to inspire, before you expire". That aspiration to inspire is the only way to effectively parent.

6 comments:

Vohra said...

Though I am in no way qualified to speak on the topic, but from whatever little I understand, it is sort of weird to even try to generalize the subject. This is because this is essentially dealing with individuals. Since every individual is distinct in nature, how can it ever be generalized. Even looking at the other side of the spectrum, every individual has his/her own way of dealing with other. Thus, all that is common among all parent child relations is that it is a relation between two human beings bonded together by love (mostly anyway).

Sangeetha Sriram said...

Thanks for the comment Akshay. Yes, every individual is indeed unique. But parenting (young ones) is essentially about making certain choices for the children (eg. whether she will be fed a certain food or not). And also about giving them messages about what is right and wrong, acceptable and non-acceptable, appropriate and inappropriate. What I meant was that when we are put in the spot to make choices and give messages to little children of impressionable ages is when we realise the great responsibility that comes with it. And with that realisation of that great responsibility comes the need for introspection and self-improvement. If we mindlessly make choices for and gave messages to our children out of conditioning (from the society - eg. to be a good boy, you must not cry) and fear (eg. to be successful, you must come first in class and be second to no other), then we are not being effective parents. Does this make sense?

Vohra said...

Hey Sangeetha, I guess I messed it up again with the words :-). I was not trying to contest what you had written, but was only trying to add to it by trying to say that it is virtually impossible to characterize parenting in a book since it involves dealing with humans and emotions. What you said in your post, as well as your reply to the comment makes perfect sense, and especially the part pertaining to mindlessly passing certain accepted messages (about which you had written a post earlier as well) :-) ...I hope this clarifies things a bit and puts them in a different light? :-)

samantha said...
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samantha said...

i love this one sangeeee...especially the part that talks about mindlessly making choices and giving messages to our children out of conditioning from the society...makes absolute sense and i stand by it....at the end i think the way we teach/behave/talk/share and be with ur children comes from our own experience of life so far... i wish i was there to see isha growing up...it would have be an enriching experience to me....!!!!:)

gnani said...

sangeetha, i am waiting desperately for your confirmation to address schools tudents at tiruchi on jan 26. you have not replied to my e mail on this. please revert. thanks. sorry for butting in here. gnani.