Anissa, a soul-sister in New Zealand who is also in a similar space, and I, started a private facebook peer-support group for those in severe and complex burnout. (Actually her idea and I readily joined her when she asked me.) Why this group? As it is, neurodivergence (ND) itself is not understood enough in mental health spaces. ND burnout is even less understood. Chronic and severe ND burnout? Forget it. Phew! And this community is in dire need of support - physical, mental, emotional, etc. and hence this support group.
We have more than 400 members from all over the world, finding such a relief in discovering this group. Many of their stories are heart-rending! And they predominantly fall under two categories: women in peri-menopause & parents of children in their teens and early adulthood."I am 70, late-diagnosed and don't think I'd outlive my chronic burnout. But I want to see if I can at least tell more people like me that they are not crazy, and offer whatever support I can."
"My really brilliant, sensitive and talented teenage son had to be pulled out of school, hasn't stepped out in a year, can't do basic hygiene like brushing teeth, washing himself up, or eat. And we just found out that he is in ND burnout. I am here to see how I can help him."
I read such stories everyday, and feel simultaneously pained and hopeful. Hopeful? Yes, and I will (hope to :) write soon, why.
Meanwhile, this is an SOS post.
The number of people, especially in the above two categories, in burnout is alarming. I keep discovering a story about someone I know / know of, every other day. Families having no clue, feeling helpless and not knowing what to do to help, and themselves feeling depressed.
If you have anyone in your family or friend circle that is just unable to step out, unable to attend to basic hygiene and self-care, unable not able to interact with anyone, has difficulty with sensorial or cognitive processing, please do not try to tell them it might all be in their heads, or to motivate them, or to inspire them by telling them stories of heroic people who overcame their challenges, or to suggest things like yoga, meditation, juice diet and the morning sun, or to tell them they are privileged and entitled and how you lived heroically with very little, and so on.
While all of these might be true, if they are bright, sensitive kids or women, who you feel are not likely to be simply throwing a tantrum or seeking attention through victimhood, it might just make it much worse for them. Because if they are sensitive and intelligent, they probably already know much more about all that you are trying to tell them, are already flogging themselves with all the advise you are giving them, already feeling shame and guilt! And whatever you might be offering them with all the good intention, can end up doing only harm and no good.
What they are most likely struggling with is simple Executive Functioning. And what they need is a proper diagnosis and professional support to get out of their situation.
Things are looking much better in my life, and I am on the path to recovery. And in a year's time, I intend to build myself up, along with a small team, to offer integral life-coaching for neurodivergents, both group and individual, especially for those in burnout. But for now, I am happy to refer you to reliable professionals who can help you with the immediate next steps.
Please email me at sriram.sangeetha@gmail.com with the subject line: Seeking support
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