Since I am starting to write on my birthday, I want to start this series with a post about an amazing healing experience that is connected to my being born. And in celebration of my mother, a powerful healer herself.
It happened for the first time in 1998 (forget the month) as I was walking to my workplace. About 100 metres away from the office, I had what my friends later named ‘the buckling effect’. :) My body turned limp and I collapsed on the roadside. With the help of passers-by, I picked myself up and somehow made it to the office and collapsed again. I was perfectly conscious, but my body became totally limp. I lay on the floor like a piece of vegetable. Later on, my friends dropped me at home, where I just stayed for a whole three weeks that the condition lasted. Since I used to be a stubborn vegan against my family’s wishes, I was scared to tell them about this. I pretended as though everything was fine and that I was just working from home. I was secretively aided by friends to the doctors to get tests done. Everything turned out fine. “You are burning out. You need to rest.” I was told. It was true that I used to be a workaholic. So I rested and waited for this to end. Three weeks later, one day, as though it had all been a dream, or the spell that I was under broke, I sprang up from bed and resumed life as normal. It was so strange.
After that first episode, I started 'buckling' from time to time, ranging from a few days to a few weeks. Then my family came to know about it. Tests were still not revealing anything. The weakness used to range in severity from slowing me down to making me almost bedridden, sometimes too weak to even walk to the bathroom or open my eyelids. It would end suddenly every single time. I’d spring back to life.
My brother took me to a tantric practitioner in Bangalore that he really trusted. I went to her a few times over a couple of years. She once did chakra cleansing, and even said that she was drawing out ‘disembodied beings’ that had entered my body. I neither believed nor disbelieved her. I was simply willing to try out anything for a cure that was non-intrusive. “Your aura is too porous. You need to protect yourself.” she'd say. Every single time that I went to see her, it worked really like magic although temporarily. “For a permanent cure, you need to heal from a childhood trauma that you are carrying.” she said. But as far as I could remember, I had a pretty normal childhood. I didn’t remember any trauma that I was holding on to. When another psychic healer Mona Lisa read my energy during another episode later on, she said the same thing.
These episodes continued to recur for many years. The most severe of them all was immediately after my wedding when I was in bed for three months. Rajeev had to work from home to take care of me. Both my arms had been poked over and over again to draw blood for every possible test. Visits to neurologists and all. Everything was normal. I tried many possible things from Ayurveda to trying a candida-free diet.
I could never plan anything or commit to anything in life because the ‘buckling effect’ could take over anytime. More than frightening, it was becoming an inconvenience. "Oh no! Not now!" kind of feeling when I had to cancel work or travel I would had scheduled.
It was painful to hear people say “It’s all in your head. You are just imagining something. Just tell yourself three times ‘I’m alright. There is nothing wrong with me.’ get up and walk. You'll be alright.” Actually thinking back, if I had done it calling forth all the divine forces, I’m sure it would have worked. But I wasn’t anchored in so much faith back then.
Three years ago, I met Maya, an elderly Swiss Homeopath who spent half of every year in Tiruvannamalai taking off from her practice. After a casual meeting and conversation with her, I asked her if I could consult with her for my eczema. She agreed and we set up a time in a private room for me to share my medical history. Though it was about my skin condition, the conversation drifted into my sharing about my strange weakness episodes. She looked into my eyes intently and asked “Tell me about the time your mother was pregnant with you.” Well, I clearly wasn't expecting a question like that. Here is the conversation that followed.
“I don’t know much at all about it.”
“No, think. I’m sure you know something!”
“Well, I know that my conception was an 'accident' and everyone around my mother pressured her to abort me. My mother was convinced about carrying and birthing me.”
“And..?”
“I also know that she had a pretty challenging time with not much physical or emotional support through all those months that she was pregnant with me. Having been through pregnancy myself, I can imagine how hard that must have been!”
As I uttered those words, I started choking. And before I realised it, I was weeping like a child.
“Don’t hold back. Let it all out. As an aware being while in the womb, you felt helpless and frozen that you couldn’t be there for your mom. It’s all long over. You can let it all out and surrender it at the feet of Arunachala.”
After about half an hour of intense weeping and release that Maya lovingly held the space for, I thanked her and got back home all exhausted and slept through the next two days. A month after this intense experience, I wrote to Maya and heard back from her.
Dear Maya,
I keep thinking of you so much with gratitude so often. After that catharsis during our meeting, I must say that my life has truly transformed. The past one month, my eczema has healed so much almost magically, and I have so much energy bursting out of me. In spite of the heat, I almost never feel tired. I have not felt this alive, energetic, focused and effective consistently, in years. Much much gratitude to you!
Much warmth and love,
Sangeetha
Dear Sangeetha,
This is wonderful news! I am happy with you for this magic change and amazed and grateful myself to see the working of Grace and Healing. It sounds like coming home to your own long missed energy!
Time to enjoy!
It happened for the first time in 1998 (forget the month) as I was walking to my workplace. About 100 metres away from the office, I had what my friends later named ‘the buckling effect’. :) My body turned limp and I collapsed on the roadside. With the help of passers-by, I picked myself up and somehow made it to the office and collapsed again. I was perfectly conscious, but my body became totally limp. I lay on the floor like a piece of vegetable. Later on, my friends dropped me at home, where I just stayed for a whole three weeks that the condition lasted. Since I used to be a stubborn vegan against my family’s wishes, I was scared to tell them about this. I pretended as though everything was fine and that I was just working from home. I was secretively aided by friends to the doctors to get tests done. Everything turned out fine. “You are burning out. You need to rest.” I was told. It was true that I used to be a workaholic. So I rested and waited for this to end. Three weeks later, one day, as though it had all been a dream, or the spell that I was under broke, I sprang up from bed and resumed life as normal. It was so strange.
After that first episode, I started 'buckling' from time to time, ranging from a few days to a few weeks. Then my family came to know about it. Tests were still not revealing anything. The weakness used to range in severity from slowing me down to making me almost bedridden, sometimes too weak to even walk to the bathroom or open my eyelids. It would end suddenly every single time. I’d spring back to life.
My brother took me to a tantric practitioner in Bangalore that he really trusted. I went to her a few times over a couple of years. She once did chakra cleansing, and even said that she was drawing out ‘disembodied beings’ that had entered my body. I neither believed nor disbelieved her. I was simply willing to try out anything for a cure that was non-intrusive. “Your aura is too porous. You need to protect yourself.” she'd say. Every single time that I went to see her, it worked really like magic although temporarily. “For a permanent cure, you need to heal from a childhood trauma that you are carrying.” she said. But as far as I could remember, I had a pretty normal childhood. I didn’t remember any trauma that I was holding on to. When another psychic healer Mona Lisa read my energy during another episode later on, she said the same thing.
These episodes continued to recur for many years. The most severe of them all was immediately after my wedding when I was in bed for three months. Rajeev had to work from home to take care of me. Both my arms had been poked over and over again to draw blood for every possible test. Visits to neurologists and all. Everything was normal. I tried many possible things from Ayurveda to trying a candida-free diet.
I could never plan anything or commit to anything in life because the ‘buckling effect’ could take over anytime. More than frightening, it was becoming an inconvenience. "Oh no! Not now!" kind of feeling when I had to cancel work or travel I would had scheduled.
It was painful to hear people say “It’s all in your head. You are just imagining something. Just tell yourself three times ‘I’m alright. There is nothing wrong with me.’ get up and walk. You'll be alright.” Actually thinking back, if I had done it calling forth all the divine forces, I’m sure it would have worked. But I wasn’t anchored in so much faith back then.
Three years ago, I met Maya, an elderly Swiss Homeopath who spent half of every year in Tiruvannamalai taking off from her practice. After a casual meeting and conversation with her, I asked her if I could consult with her for my eczema. She agreed and we set up a time in a private room for me to share my medical history. Though it was about my skin condition, the conversation drifted into my sharing about my strange weakness episodes. She looked into my eyes intently and asked “Tell me about the time your mother was pregnant with you.” Well, I clearly wasn't expecting a question like that. Here is the conversation that followed.
“I don’t know much at all about it.”
“No, think. I’m sure you know something!”
“Well, I know that my conception was an 'accident' and everyone around my mother pressured her to abort me. My mother was convinced about carrying and birthing me.”
“And..?”
“I also know that she had a pretty challenging time with not much physical or emotional support through all those months that she was pregnant with me. Having been through pregnancy myself, I can imagine how hard that must have been!”
As I uttered those words, I started choking. And before I realised it, I was weeping like a child.
“Don’t hold back. Let it all out. As an aware being while in the womb, you felt helpless and frozen that you couldn’t be there for your mom. It’s all long over. You can let it all out and surrender it at the feet of Arunachala.”
After about half an hour of intense weeping and release that Maya lovingly held the space for, I thanked her and got back home all exhausted and slept through the next two days. A month after this intense experience, I wrote to Maya and heard back from her.
Dear Maya,
I keep thinking of you so much with gratitude so often. After that catharsis during our meeting, I must say that my life has truly transformed. The past one month, my eczema has healed so much almost magically, and I have so much energy bursting out of me. In spite of the heat, I almost never feel tired. I have not felt this alive, energetic, focused and effective consistently, in years. Much much gratitude to you!
Much warmth and love,
Sangeetha
Dear Sangeetha,
This is wonderful news! I am happy with you for this magic change and amazed and grateful myself to see the working of Grace and Healing. It sounds like coming home to your own long missed energy!
Time to enjoy!
Love,
Maya
***
It’s almost four years since then, and the longest period I’ve not been under the buckling spell. And no signs of it coming.
Today, on my 43rd birthday, I told my mom, “Amma, thank you for keeping me and giving birth to me. I made the best choice for a mother." I don't remember having told her these words in all these years.
Anandi, a beautiful soul in Auroville from Argentina, wishes and gifts me something very beautiful on every birthday of Isha’s. “It’s your day of being born as a mother too”. I had never thought of it that way. And it's so true!
Today, I claim complete healing from the scars, whatever remnants may be left of them, and celebrate my mother and my being born.
***
It’s almost four years since then, and the longest period I’ve not been under the buckling spell. And no signs of it coming.
Today, on my 43rd birthday, I told my mom, “Amma, thank you for keeping me and giving birth to me. I made the best choice for a mother." I don't remember having told her these words in all these years.
Anandi, a beautiful soul in Auroville from Argentina, wishes and gifts me something very beautiful on every birthday of Isha’s. “It’s your day of being born as a mother too”. I had never thought of it that way. And it's so true!
Today, I claim complete healing from the scars, whatever remnants may be left of them, and celebrate my mother and my being born.
***
A special picture taken from the terrace when all three of us decided to see one of the supermoons this year; a day of the Shakti in her full brilliance and power.
6 comments:
Dear Ms.Sangeetha.
Felt happy reading your post. Glad that you found relief at last. Best wishes and God Bless.
Would like to share that I have been going thru something like this if not very similar.
Since 2010, I have been experiencing day time sleep/dullness. Things went from bad to worse and I had to take a break from work in 2016. Still am not off the break.
Similarly with your case lies in the unpredictability of my days and nights, inconsistency and ofcourse the free advice.
I have tried all type of Pathys with no relief. All my diagnostic reports are normal. Spent quite a lot of money in due course.
Am 50 now. Have had a 27 year career in the pharma industry. Things were looking rosy when this stuck.
I used to be so active that not just me, even those who have known me aren't able to believe my current plight.
Not in a position to even take up work from home options due to the unpredictability factor. Have to take every day, rather every session as it comes.
There are times when I get confined to the four walls of the house at a stretch for even 9 days.
The last thing that I would like to hear from people are the words like..
"Psychological, something's cooking your mind, believe in yourself, you can... and so on"
I know what I am made of. I have been instrumental in developing people, coaching, motivating and counselling them in the last 19 years.
I am sure you can understand ma'am.
Reading your post has given me a lot of hope. Would be grateful if you can suggest/help me by providing some contact.
Request you to share the details in this number. 9840938777.
Best wishes once again.
Thanks and Regards,
R V RAMANAN.
Dear Sangeetha madam ,
I am Subalakshmi from Chennai. I happened to see your post today. It is a good share...I feel it's hard to beleive but want to beleive such miracles happen through true healing.
After fifteen years in the IT job, last 3 years I am at home. Learnt acupuncture. I have a daughter who just entered college. I am 45 now.
I have been having the issue of breathlessness for a few years now. Eventhough it's not very severe now a days, I still feel hesitant before I plan for a trip inside a closed vehicle or enter into a crowded place. It has been many years since I went to a cinema to watch a movie. I would like to meet and consult with the Homeopath doctor Maya you have mentioned in your post. Is it possible for you to share the contact or let me know where I can meet her to get healing.
Thank you,
Suba
Brought tears sangee. How truthful u have been in your writing. Not easy to make the readers travel along with you.
Hi Sangeetha, this is Tarun and I'm speaking on behalf of my mother Prabaa.
The story you narrated and your experiences were intense and I'm happy to hear that all is well with you.
The reason I'm commenting is because my mother is going to a similar experience and wanted to consult Maya.
Could you please get back to me? Would be very very helpful. I live in Chennai is there a way to contact her like a number or address or email.
Please if you can contact me through my whatsapp number 91+ 9841010726.
I knew nothing of this. One of the most lovely experiences of my years was meeting your parents in your childhood home. And I observed one of these muscle weakness episodes at Brandeis and felt panic. Life is such a strange journey.
A lot to think about.
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